Earth Hour 2011: It's Time To Kill The Children

Hey kids - Guess what time it is?

IT'S TIME FOR EARTH HOUR 2011!!!



Goddamn, it seems like only yesterday I was castigating the naked dipshits of our failing fucking world for believing they're "making a difference" by turning out their fucking lights for a WHOLE FUCKING HOUR...

(You can read last year's show by clicking the title of this post)



...and here it is a whole year later, and - OHMYGOD - just look at "the difference" Earth Hour 2010 has made! Look at all the "awareness" that's been raised! Look at how the planet is just fucking SMILING at all those beautiful children, all across our world who turned their lights out, and who are poised to do so again tonight, (or tomorrow night... or, I can never figure out exactly when they're supposed to do it...)



Look - Here's a whole school that's making a difference:

The children at our preschool at Oyster Bay are leading by example, treading lightly on the earth and making a difference every day with their sustainable practices...

The children are thoughtful with their water use, turn off the computer and lights every day and take the Earth Hour message home to their families...



Aw... Ain't that just special? The CHILDREN are teaching us! Aw, it's just fuckin' beautiful, man. Beautiful! I think I'm going to cry now.

The children, you see, they're teaching us that... wait. The children are... Hmmm. Wait. The children, they're... Shit. This isn't working.

Fuck. Let's see now... If I remember right, children are the only thing wrong with our planet. There are too many children for the Earth to support, so...



So, I guess what they're trying to teach us is that... Wait - can this be right?

I think they're trying to tell us that we need to kill them. Kill all children. Either that, or don't make them... but since they're already here, and since they want the planet to survive, well shit - there's no other option. We'll have to kill them.



Huh.

From that same "enlightened" little pre-school:

Four-year-old Emily sends you this message: "When you look after the flowers and plants and animals they make the world look beautiful for everyone. You should try it - it's fun and good too."

Well okay, little Emily, but are you sure? I mean, Christ - I've never killed a child before. Are you absolutely certain you want me to kill you in order to look after the flowers and plants and animals? And...



And, I guess if you really want me to be "green," and "sustainable," well then... I guess that means I'll have to recycle you - right? Oh, I don't know if I can do this! I've never eaten pre-schooler. I wonder what they taste like? Can I put A1 on you, or is that too un-green? What about ketchup? Mustard?



You fucking idiots. You're at it again, aren't you? Spewing your stupid eco-propaganda at the world's children without telling them the brutal, ugly truth: CHILDREN are the problem. The only problem.

We must kill them.

We must kill all the children.

Or...

Or, I guess we could just say fuckit, and turn out the lights for an hour. The planet will still die, of course, but...

But, who needs a planet anyway?

Fuckit.